The Call to Help Others...
It was time for me to end it all, once more.
Over my lifetime, I had considered it in various ways.
I just wanted to be dead.
Just like my mom who died when I was 9 days old. Just like my twin brother who died.
The guilt of living was too much.
If I could just be dead, just like them, life would be good.
I’d be gone.
No more pain.
No more hurt.
It sounded so good.
I had pills saved up, I had learned other possible ways, options I could take. I came close to electrocuting myself by dumping an electric radio in my tub of water.
If I had been pushed just a little more, it would have been so easy to use one of the ways, as the options ran through my head almost daily.
I ruined my health with ulcerative colitis, which is a painful way to die, but it was a way to die without it seeming like actually doing it.
When my body was about to give out, I somehow chose to call a friend to take me to the hospital.
I was too weak to drive, and could barely walk.
Why did I choose to live? I don’t have the answer.
I could have just as easily died.
In the hospital, the doctor told a friend that he didn’t know what to do to help me heal as I didn’t want to live.
I don’t know what happened in the hospital that made me choose to get better.
After pondering this question many times, I still have no answer.
On the stage of my life, with the sadistic grandfather who torturously abused me, evil would almost win a battle and yet somehow, I would get through it, albeit, barely.
Yet I did.
Why did I live to just go through it all again each day?
Even though I do have an optimistic side, the negative outweighed the good.
In the numbness the only place I wanted to be was dead, with my twin and my mom, the ones I loved so much.
Without them, life was not worth living. I felt like I was living dead.
I became hyper vigilant looking for the next negativity headed my way and there was always plenty.
Depression was my drug of choice.
Still I did my best to find relief.
Everything I did worked a little, never enough.
I did the doctors, the alternative methods of healing, the meds, the talk therapy and more.
I was tired, frustrated, and depressed in going on to the next thing, next modality, what someone thought might work, only to be disappointed, exhausted, and left for the most part no better than before.
I moved to Kauai to die, one of the most beautiful places on earth, longing for the end to finally come.
The peace of being no more felt so good.
The reality is that I had been looking for and sought out negativity.
It’s not that I didn’t focus on the positive.
It just wasn’t enough.
I could be happy in a moment and the next second, it all crashed down.
No matter how good it got, the weight of negativity always out-weighed the positive.
It didn’t matter what I left behind, what I left unfinished.
I wouldn’t know the difference.
I would be gone.
It's like a cruel joke was played on me to live a life where the misery wouldn’t stay away.
At the same time, more good things kept showing up in my life.
The good things became hard to ignore.
The good things made life more worth living.
One balmy summer evening with soft tropical breezes that feel so delightful, someone literally appeared through the haze of smoke from a bonfire on the beach by the Hanalei Pier.
The feeling was like from the movie ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ where the horse riders appear out of nowhere through the Egyptian sandstorm.
He walked straight over to me, introduced himself and we talked about why we love Kauai.
I don’t think either of us thought much about it at the time.
Over time, we wound up in the same places, enjoyed talking and slowly became friends, then the best of friends.
It was like my twin brother was back. He became a true uncle to my kids.
Particularly from watching and listening to him interact with them, I grew to implicitly trust him.
He unknowingly taught me to have trust.
I had given up on trusting friends, as they had mostly turned out to be undependable and used me for what they could get.
In every situation, this friend always held his own.
He absolutely refused to take advantage when he could easily have.
When he needed money and I offered, he figured out a way to make more. He came to be someone I could count on, who showed real concern.
He laughed at me and at my dumb jokes.
I would look at him and think “Really… you are laughing at me.” It felt good. Someone who just accepted me for me.
Life became comfortable having a friend who was just that, a friend.
One day as he was leaving, he gave me a hug and a surge of electrical energy shot off throughout my body.
All I could think of was my twin brother and my mom.
The energy felt so familiar, that the cells of my body that knew my mom and my twin brother simultaneously opened up, engulfed and unleashed in my body a tremendous wave of energy.
These cells had been dormant, numbed, blocked, until now.
I could not speak. I stood there as my body came alive with memories and feelings I didn’t even know I had stored away.
I slowly began to understand what it meant to have my so to speak twin back, the friend I had looked for, that I had not realized was who I had lost, my actual twin.
Slowly I learned that in many ways, he was very much like my twin...and me.
Life became more exciting, a natural high.
As he shared more about his story of being uprooted, his family moving and how it devastated him for years, I determined that I would always be there for him.
I could feel the deep wounds in how he shared how he had left other people behind in his life.
I became determined to be the one who stuck it out for him, because I could relate.
Then, one day we spent more time than we usually would, talking and hanging out.
I felt something was up. I could feel something was going on with him, but I didn’t know exactly what.
As we sat around a small campfire, the evening got colder, so he got me a jacket. Another great evening to chat, but I knew something was different this time.
He told me he had reached a crossroads.
We talked about the what’s and why’s. He felt he needed a change in many areas of his life that were not how he wanted them to be.
We talked the same way we talked about anything, brainstormed, came up with possible solutions.
Then, it happened. He cut everyone off.
Looking back, I knew his mind was made up at the strange night at the fire.
I saw a pattern that started with the trauma of his family moving, with everyone he knew cut off.
I could understand how he was doing the exact same thing to himself that had happened to him, abruptly cutting everyone off.
Still, I was shocked to be included.
I don’t even think he knew at the time.
Our friendship remained the same until he did the cut for everyone.
I truly believe and know this was the only way he felt he could completely start over.
I felt like I had been a part of his decision-making process without knowing, without any clues. I was there when he needed me, a friend to the end.
The abruptness, the finality, played down the paths of my mind from previous trauma’s where people actually did die – my mom and twin brother.
For me, it just didn’t feel real.
“How could this happen?”
“How is this even possible?”
As the next few days progressed, the Band-Aid ripped off the festering loss of my mom and twin brother.
Deep inside, the sheer terror, hurt, pain, sorrow, inconsolable loss I felt as a child could no longer be contained.
I was losing my twin, Again.
The feelings I knew so well that had been buried, numbed out, of despair, abandonment, and being left behind, had built up over time and now spewed out raging like a never-ending mass of volcanic magma careening down the mountain at breakneck speed in all directions.
I was now free to rage, to agonize, with the full impact gutting me, leaving me destitute without a life I wanted to live.
When it happened, it hurt like hell, and I felt like he was actually dead.
If this had happened over time, or the friendship had ended with a disagreement, then the reaction would have been completely different.
This came to an end abruptly, feeling like the death of a very beloved family member.
My mind went down the long-established tracks in my mind from my mother and twin dying, the intense sorrow, grief, and panic.
I thought that somehow his new road wouldn’t last long, that somehow friendship would prevail.
That somehow, this time, I was a good enough friend to bring the dead back to life so to speak. I wasn’t. It hasn’t happened.
A friend gave me a new beginning.
Just writing that makes me laugh.
A new beginning, indeed! At 9 days old my mom died. My twin brother died. What a realization,,,
It really is a new beginning.
This friend was a holistic practitioner visiting. She thought I would like to learn about the work she did as a practitioner. Sure, I was curious.
Hey, who knows, maybe there is something that will help.
Maybe it’s not time to give up yet.
I still had a little hope of something actually working better than anything had to date.
It wouldn’t take much.
OMG... I started seeing actual and immediate BIG results in my life in real time.
Releasing stuck negative emotions and feeling an impact in how I was feeling in the moment, going from feeling horrible, upset, angry, depressed, to feeling good within a span of minutes.
Unbelievable! Who would have thought!
With only a few times of seeing big results and feeling better, my curiosity and inquisitiveness were piqued.
I had to know more. Initially, it was to help myself.
I started with an internship.
Then, I had the ‘aha’ moment! It was no longer a life-long quest trying to find what I needed to heal.
I had found it!
I had healed so much, that now I knew it was time to help others experience the freedom I found.
The first client I worked with couldn’t touch his neck because of the pain.
Even his wife had never touched his neck!
A doctor years before had tried to touch his neck and he almost punched out the doctor.
As we released what was causing this, he put his hand to his neck and touched his neck for the first time in his life.
His eyes lit up, tears came to his eyes.
It was unbelievable.
He felt no pain at all.
With great hesitancy and a little fear I will admit, I asked if he would like me to try touching his neck.
He said, “Sure.”
I said, “I’m not sure I want to.
I AM afraid of getting punched.”
He encouraged me, “Go ahead.”
With much trepidation and some fear, I very slowly moved my fingers toward his neck and made contact.
He was delighted.
The pain was gone!
An hour later, when he walked into his house, his wife noticed immediately that his neck wasn’t the same.
Where there had been a bulge, there was none.
The energetic imbalances that had ballooned up and caused pain were gone.
A bonus he noticed over time is that his anger for no reason, or any reason at all, was gone by approximately 85%...from this one session.
He said he doesn’t pick fights anymore, and never gets mad. I knew I was onto something big.
That’s some BIG wins for him, and that’s from only one session.
The second client was having tongue and throat issues.
We got to work finding the causes of these issues. After we discovered and released several imbalances, I asked how she was feeling. She said there was a shift and also said she felt: “Worse.”
Inside, I was saying, “Oh no!!! No one said things could get worse. That’s not supposed to happen. That was not in any training I went through. What do I do?!!!”
We continued on.
I’m sweating it out, hoping things will change.
Well, they did! For the worse!!! Her condition had shifted once again to another area.
We continued on. “How is it now?” “Worse!!!”
I’m really sweating it out now, my shirt is getting soaked.
I am concerned, worried, and I will admit a little afraid, even not sure I want to continue doing this work. It is not working out well.
Finally, results! Everything resolved. She felt terrific, happy! What a relief!
I learned a valuable lesson that is applicable to any modality. The fascinating thing is that with the modalities I work with, it typically only gets better. It is unusual for symptoms to get worse.
I furthered developed this learning into other areas, particularly into what we inherit through our DNA, particularly generational trauma. From this base, we are able to dig deeper, more quickly, to see faster results.
I believe everyone has the inherent natural right to a great life, no matter what hell they’ve gone through.
I’ve been able to radically change my life, and I help others to break through whatever hurt and pain they have been through, of this life and their past, to be who they’ve been trying to be and to live the life they were meant to live.
If this resonates with you, and you'd like to learn how I can assist you, I can be reached at 1.808.639.9221 | glenn@theDNAguy.org | www.theDNAguy.org
DNA Practitioner, Certified Body Code Practitioner, Certified Emotion Code Practitioner, Matrix Practitioner
I had an 'aha' moment. I realized it was no longer about me, trying to find how to fix what was wrong, looking for the right practitioner. This was actually working for me. Now, it was time to pass it forward, to help others!
Clients say they feel relaxed, at peace, a heavy load has been lifted off their shoulders.