You know what saddens my heart? That trauma, abuse, and outrage are more relatable and engaging, than joy and happiness.
That's exactly why I held back my bubbly, effervescent personality for so long!
Because happiness can be perceived as "fake" or not "reality."
Because angry and hurt people, can only relate to other angry and hurt people.
Because I thought if I was happy, I was denying my own lifetime of trauma.
I spent most of my life obsessed with my own traumatic experiences. And through my obsession, I continued to create more of them around me.
My demons were my comfort, and my allies. They're who I went back to, time and time again. The longest abusive relationship I was in, was with myself.
My crazy past includes...emotional, physical, psychological, verbal, sexual abuse....which led to addictions of every kind.
You name it! I've been there and done that.
And this isn't to downplay ANY of it. It took me years of help in ALL kinds of ways, to get me out of that place.
And I'm still human, so I still dance with my demons and shadows, in a healthy way, when they arise.
But at this time in my life, I don't care to revisit those stories over and over.
It's funny how when you stop feeling like a victim, and choose to see your past through a different lens, the charge around what happened "to you" starts to dissipate.
I now consciously choose to focus on creating more joy than I ever imagined, because IT IS POSSIBLE, no matter what you've done or where you've been.
That doesn't mean shit doesn't come up to deal with, and it DOES NOT mean having a smile on your face 24/7.
What it does mean is having an unwavering devotion to love, light, joy, and living my best, most authentic life possible. And I do like to smile!
And if my light bumps up against your shadow, that's for you to look at, not me.
My soul purpose is to be your reminder of the goodness in this world. To guide YOU back to the light, when you're lost, and to show you how absolutely incredible life can be...post trauma.
If you're ready to start living the path of love and light, and stop being the only one who's actually holding you back, allow me to be your guide, and we'll get there together. 🥰
Let's gather in joy, as well as gathering in grief!