We’ve often been told that unwavering self-control and discipline are the ultimate tools for success. From motivational speakers to self-help books, the message is persistent: willpower is the cornerstone of reaching our goals and achievement.
But my work with clients shows this is usually just not true. That's in my work as a Life Coach, and Habit Coach, and to be frank, my life experience shows the same!
The Willpower Myth
Willpower, while powerful, is like a muscle that gets fatigued with overuse. Constantly relying on willpower can lead to exhaustion and burnout. It’s not sustainable. Research backs this up. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who exhibit the greatest self-control are those who rely on willpower the least. Instead, they leverage the power of habits. Learn more about this fascinating study here.
The Neurological Basis of Habitual Actions
Habits are automatic behaviors that drive our day, our routines, and ultimately our lives. They require significantly less mental effort than willpower because they are ingrained in our psyche. Habits come from the subconscious mind. Routines and things we choose to do when we stop to think about them come from the conscious mind.
True habits propel us forward with minimal conscious effort. This is why people who seem or appear to have strong willpower in truth rely on their well-formed habits to guide them.
To note - habits are NOT routines. Routines are made up of a series of tiny habits. For example, you can have an exercise routine and do a different routine the next day. The brain doesn't mind. Or you work out three (3x) a week. But a habit is daily and subconscious. You habitually do the same routine if you are either too tired or lazy to think about it, or because you made that judgment call, based on other people wanting it or requiring it.
The same is true for all routines and habits. Self-care is a habit. Going to the spa or a holistic treatment may be part of your self-care habit. It is your identity: you are the type of person who practices self-care. You may have different daily habits and routines, classes and treatments like coaching are part of that.
Scientifically speaking: The science behind habits reveals that our brains are wired to seek efficiency. This is where the basal ganglia, a part of the brain associated with habit formation, comes into play. Habits allow us to perform actions without expending significant cognitive energy, enabling us to focus on more complex tasks. This automaticity is crucial in high-stress situations, where decision fatigue can impair judgment.
Understanding this neurological basis emphasizes the importance of building positive habits. Rather than relying on fluctuating willpower, we can create a foundation of consistent behaviors that support our long-term goals and overall well-being.
How to Build Effective Habits
To build good habits that align with your values (or what you value), it's essential to boost your ability, reward yourself, and shape your environment to make healthy choices easy and natural.
Here are some tips to get started:
1. Start Small and Set Up Easy Cues
Choose a tiny, realistic action. Give it an activator—something that triggers the first step — and make it obvious and convenient. For example:
- Set earbuds, walking shoes, and keys next to your desk with an alarm.
- Tape an energizing picture near the fridge to eat vegetables with every meal.
- Place a "Self-Care" reminder like an inspiring quote or picture on your mirror to trigger stretching, pushups, or meditation.
2. Eliminate Temptations
Remove triggers for unwanted behaviors:
- To cut down on screen time, keep your phone out of the bedroom; replace it with a good book.
- Put fruits and vegetables at eye level in your fridge and on counters.
- Store unhealthy snacks out of sight or out of the house.
- Carry a card stating *why* you avoid junk food while shopping.
Such set-ups reduce the need for willpower, conserving mental energy.
3. Create Supportive Human & Physical Environments
- Form a team and share your intentions with people who support your goals: friends, family, your coach, doctors, and even your hairdresser!
- Create a healthy physical space: declutter your desk, and set up a home workout area or self-care space for journaling or meditating.
A supportive network and environment reinforce your habits, making them easier to maintain.
4. Use Habit Chaining AKA Habit Stacking
Link new actions (forming habits) to existing ones. If you already enjoy a morning coffee, link a few minutes of meditation right before or a short walk afterward. This tells your brain that they are (part of) the same routine, and incorporates the new habit into your daily life.
5. Consistency is Key
Habits are naturally consistent, unlike willpower which can be exhausting. They become part of your routine and require less effort over time.
Habit Building Essentials:
Start with tiny, achievable actions aligned with your goals
Reward yourself consistently for completing these small steps
Practice the habit daily, focusing on repetition and consistency
Embrace the power of incremental progress
Allow neural pathways to strengthen through repetition
Use this foundation to gradually expand or intensify the habit
Be patient and celebrate small victories along the way
Remember that sustainable change often comes from small, consistent efforts
Adjust your approach as needed, staying flexible in your habit-building journey
Trust the process of gradual habit formation for long-term success
Do you ever feel stuck and unable to make lasting changes in your life? Or in your mindset, perception, and way of thinking? A habit coach could be the key to breaking through.
Achieving your goals doesn’t have to be a constant battle of willpower and self-discipline. By focusing on building good habits and creating a supportive environment, you can achieve sustainable success with less effort. Remember, it's not about exerting more control; it's about making the right choices easier and more automatic. Embrace the power of habits, and watch your life transform in ways you never thought possible.
