From my early teenage years, the struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression shaped my life, later spiraling into self-destructive behaviors. By the age of 12, I was already engaged in a battle with alcohol and drug use, desperately trying to escape the ingrained belief that I was not "good enough," "worthy," or "clean." My upbringing in a strict Roman Catholic household only intensified these feelings, leaving me convinced that my voice didn't matter, and my feelings were irrelevant.
Despite these challenges, including the loss of a best friend to suicide and the strain on numerous other significant relationships, I persevered. I finished high school, maintained relationships, completed college, earned a master's degree, and obtained my licensure as an independent therapist. Later in life, I married young and was blessed with two wonderful children - a daughter, now 18, and a son, who is almost 16. The journey we've shared, marked by challenges and healing, has deeply influenced our family's path. Together, we've embraced open communication and mutual support as crucial steps towards recovery.
I stopped using experimental drugs and refrained from overdrinking. However, in my late teens and 20s, I developed bulimia, an eating disorder, which was when I first began taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) as part of my counseling and treatment. SSRIs are a class of drugs typically used to treat depression and anxiety disorders by increasing the levels of serotonin in the brain, a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of well-being and happiness. Even with these accomplishments under my belt, the internal conviction that I was unworthy, flawed, and a "reject" persisted, leading to ongoing battles with anxiety, depression, thyroid issues, and glucose intolerance.
The misuse of alcohol emerged as a particularly destructive force in my life. My first encounter with alcohol at age 12 ended with a hospital visit to have my stomach pumped. This incident set the stage for a long struggle, where alcohol became my escape from the deep-seated belief that I was not good enough. This destructive path led to two sexual assaults, further entrenching my issues with alcohol as a coping mechanism.
In 2017, a major surgery—a hysterectomy—due to severe hemorrhaging, marked a significant downturn in my life. Recovery was challenging, triggering a relapse into severe alcohol misuse as I attempted to manage the physical and emotional pain, bringing all my past traumas to the forefront.
My childhood trauma, rooted in a strict upbringing within an authoritarian household, was a critical factor keeping me in the addiction cycle. Experiencing verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, I internalized the belief that I did not matter, which fueled my self-destructive behaviors. A particularly haunting experience was being suspended from school at age 6 for fighting a boy because he made a comment I couldn't accept at the time. This incident underscores the early onset of my struggles. As I've come to understand, my decisions have shaped my reality. From that early incident and continuing throughout most of my life, responding with aggression became my automatic reaction to pain and trauma.
The conventional medical route, incorporating medication for depression and anxiety, alongside traditional counseling, offered only temporary relief without addressing the root causes of my issues. Despite relying on various SSRIs and levothyroxine for thyroid management since my mid-20s, these solutions fell short of offering a lasting change.
A turning point came in early 2022 after a child protective call was made due to me endangering my children while under the influence. This rock-bottom moment was both the worst experience of my life and the beginning of a rebirth. Faced with the reality of almost losing everything dear to me, I realized that traditional methods alone were not enough to overcome the deep-rooted issues I was battling. It was then that I started to search for a true path to healing that could address not just the symptoms, but the core of my problems. My search led me to Recovery Dharma, to pursue my Usui Reiki Master/Teacher certification, and then to discover Antojai®️ Quantum Reiki.
Antojai®️ Quantum Reiki is a transformative form of energy healing that works within the quantum field, addressing imbalances across physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual levels. This advanced practice extends beyond traditional Reiki, reaching up to the 12th chakra and engaging with the quantum field around us. For me, it was and continues to be incredibly effective. It kick-started a profound healing journey, helping me to let go of traumas rooted in my childhood, my family's ancestral past, and even from previous lifetimes. This powerful modality has allowed me to reshape my deep-seated imprints of unworthiness and continues to mend the emotional and spiritual injuries that fueled my mental health struggles and addictive patterns.
By directly addressing the root causes of my traumas and rebalancing my energy system, Antojai Quantum Reiki provided a pathway to deep, lasting healing that conventional therapies could not reach. This process also helped me understand that my choices created the pattern and my parents were doing the best they could based on their experiences and the time, leading to tremendous healing in how I viewed my past. I have experienced deep healing with my parents, who both also have benefited physically & emotionally from Antojai Quantum Reiki. I also continue to lovingly heal and mend the relationships with my family and the trauma I caused my husband and our two children. Although I had weaned off of SSRIs prior to coming to Antojai, I truly believe it made way for me to finally let go of the need for SSRIs and thyroid medication for good, embracing and integrating a life supported by natural supplements and a healthier lifestyle.
Before leaning into holistic healing, I felt trapped in a cycle of temporary fixes and relapses. After embracing this powerful form of energy healing, I experienced a true shift in my well-being. I no longer suffer from depression, my anxiety is greatly reduced, and my relationships, especially with my family, have improved significantly. I feel balanced, happy, and truly joyful for the first time, both internally and externally.
Inspired by my journey, I now offer a range of services through The E3 Counseling & Wellness Collective, including Antojai®️ Quantum Reiki, meditation, trauma yoga, sound healing, and other holistic healing modalities.
Seeing the life-changing results of my own healing journey and witnessing similar transformations in my clients reinforces my desire to share these holistic practices. I am most appreciative of my journey now, and so grateful to be able to support others in achieving the same balance and joy that have become pivotal in my life. My practice is founded on the principle that true healing integrates the mind, body, and spirit, providing a comprehensive approach to wellness that goes beyond traditional methods.
